The Doctor meets a talking cabbage
by Stoned Lorikeet
Summary: As the title says after the doctor leaves Leela on Galifrey he meets a talking cabbage. my attempt at humour be warned.


**The Doctor meets a talking cabbage**

**A/N: apparently back in the day Tom Baker's idea for Leela's replacment was a talking cabbage that would sit on his shoulder, which strangely enough never happened  
disclaimer:please note that i don't own doctor who or the Doctor however the cabbage is all mine (insert evil laugh here)**

"I'll miss you too savage"

The doctor patted the TARDIS doors and turned to the console. He thought of pulling out that K-9 mark II he had been working on (he could use something to abuse) but decided against it. What he really needed was to be alone for a while.

Then he thought, where does one go to be alone? Australia, no too hot and the kangaroos stole his jelly babies last time, Tibet? No not enough air, then it struck him. "WALES!" He said to none in particular and hit some buttons on the TARDIS console.

The engines whirred into life making their distinctive crunching groaning noise, the Doctor paused, he never had figured out how to describe that noise. Once when a companion of his had asked he mysteriously said "that my dear is the sound of the universe, all that is, all that was, and all that will be." The Doctor smirked at the memory.

In a small garden in Wales a rabbit was attempting to pull a cabbage out of the ground before the farmer or his dogs turned up. He was so caught up in his task that he didn't hear the sound of ancient engines, or notice the blue box that had appeared in the corner of the vegetable patch.

A tall man stepped out of the box and peered around before heading in the rabbit's direction. "Pick on a cabbage your own size," the man said before giving him a light kick up the bum. The rabbit bolted away into the adjoining woods vowing that he'd be back for that cabbage. When the rabbit was out of sight the Doctor heard someone say "well said, I've been wanting to say that to him for such a long time". The doctor turned around and saw no one.

"Well why didn't you?" the doctor answered. The Doctor was far too used to phantom voices that he didn't question his sanity while conversing with them. " Rabbits don't tend to listen to cabbages, or humans," the voice added. The doctor looked down at the cabbage the rabbit had been attempting to eat. It was (he imagined) surveying him with great interest. "Most people don't stop to talk, rather they run screaming and go into therapy".

The Doctor for once in this life was confused " but you're a cabbage" he said. "What would you rather I was a lettuce?" it asked in a hurt manner its leaves rustling in an annoyed way.

"Would you rather I was one of those fancy iceberg lettuces, well I'm sorry if I don't quite meet your expectations _SIR_" and then it turned its back on the doctor (well he thought it was its back) shaking in its anger.

The Doctor crouched down and said "listen err cabbage."

"George"

"What?"

"George my name is George"

"Well I didn't know that"

"You could have asked"

"Ok. What is your name?"

"I just told you its George"

The doctor sighed and understood why Leela often became frustrated at him." ah sorry but its not everyday I meet a talking cabbage for me that's saying something"

The cabbage rotated to face him "you've seen stranger things than a talking cabbage?" he asked. The doctor smiled "everyday, no offence" "none taken"

That said the cabbage began to squirm its way out of the ground tugging and pulling out his roots before rolling forward and stopping at the doctors feet.

"What are you doing?" the doctor asked

"Pulling myself out of the ground" George defended. The doctor picked him up and brushed dirt off his roots, which flexed and squirmed rather like an octopus's tentacle. "Put me on your shoulder" George ordered," I want to see where you're going" the Doctor ignored the assumption that the talking cabbage could come with him and put the vegetable on his shoulder. "So much for being alone" he muttered and set off into with a sentient lettuce riding on his shoulder. "Well I did want to become more enigmatic, but this is ridiculous" he thought as George threw insults at the lettuce patch.

**A/N: please also note that i am currently NOT taking any drugs of an illegal nature**


End file.
